Answering that question, where has the time gone-isn't it weird when there are times you can look back and its like you did a million and one things, and then there are other times when you can't seem to remember anything significant but you know you remember being busy. Goodness I do not like that word busy, but it seems to follow me everywhere I go. Its the thing that I feel guilty if I'm not but trapped if I am. Rationally I know that is ridiculous, but then again not everything is rational.
Recently I have been challenged to do a few different things that I thought seemed easy and silly, but turned out to be a much harder task than expected. One of the things was to make a timeline of my life, a life line more or less with every memory I could remember and then write them in the area of time they happened in, and where they ranked/effected me. Im thinking oh dear-Ill need a roll of butcher paper for this little task, but I was wrong. When I actually sat down to do this it proved to be much harder than expected. Years when I knew lots of important, exciting, or even devastating things happened I could only remember a few things. I remembered big things like the hurricane evacuation or winning an award-but the everyday things that shape your character sure are hard to remember. When discussing this later with the person who challenged me I suddenly had a gush of memories of things I needed to add-and they laughed and said, you don't remember-- because you were busy. That tiny little phrase 'because you were busy' has caused some mental controversy since this little chat. I enjoyed all those days of constant activity, being involved in every aspect possible, but did I miss something along the way? As I prepare for teaching school in just a month, I wonder, what kind of influence do I want to make or atleast attempt to make on these young forming minds? Opportunity comes with responsibility, am I ready to rise to the occassion?
The other challenge that was extended to me I knew would be harder. As you know, I am a planner and have a tendency to not enjoy the "flexes" of life. I like a plan/chart/schedule and I want it to go the way it has been laid out. When I am forced to change plans I often react in a poor attitude that effects not only me but the others around me as well. Ohh, so back to the challenge-I have to sit in my car for 2 minutes before putting it into gear everytime I drive somewhere for a week. I am not limited to what I can do with those 2 minutes, and its not like they would know if I cheated I suppose, but I can't cheat. As I embark on my 6th day, these 2 minutes now are scheduled in. I know that when I leave my house I have 2 minutes, when I leave wherever I parked I have 2 minutes and so on. TWO MINUTES-what a tiny fraction of time that has created a sense of urgency. How many times do we take something so insignificant and focus on it, causing a false sense of urgency. I realize the point of this challenge is to help me learn to be flexible and realize that tiny bumps in the road are out of my control and to not let it effect me negatively. To learn that people are more important than schedules, and sometimes a sacrifice here will result in a blessing there.
In closing, I am excited, scared and a little confused as to what the next sliver of my schedule will look like. As I have decisions to make, kids to show love to, and every day meaningless tasks to partake in I will work on flexing....well hopefully..haha..if you're like me, you know its something that will take a proactive attitude to change it.
"It occurs to me it is not so much the aim of the devil to lure me in with evil as it is to preoccupy me with the meaningless."-Donald Miller
until next time...
