Year End Review 2013

As we are looking back over the last year and looking towards the new one, many thoughts flood my memory. How did the year start? What happened? What was good? What was bad? What was unexpected? What was new? What was old? Where did I go? Did I make a good use of my time? Did I make new friends? Did I keep in touch with the old ones? Did I serve others? Did I love unconditionally and give grace freely? Am I proud of the last year? and What will I do in the next one? 

There are many answers to all those questions, but here a few that stick out to me. Since my birthday and New Years are just a few weeks apart, mentally, they are almost the same thing. I don't really do "New Years Resolutions" because if I discover something in my life that needs to be changed, I don't need to wait on the calendar to tell me when do to that. However, I decided last year, when I turned 25, that I didn't want to live a life of regret. My nature is to think about ALL the options, weigh the consequences of every choice, THEN do something. Rarely are any of the options something crazy or dangerous, however I love to make a list of pros and cons, then make a conscious decision. I decided last year, that I would be smart, but maybe sometimes make a riskier choice. AND I did-and I survived!
I took myself on a birthday vacation, took spontaneous trips with semi-strangers, traveled with friends, went on an international mission trip, tried new foods, kicked old habits, tried new styles, made new friends, and it was a blast! 

As I am thinking of what all else happened in 2013 the "big events" include: both brothers graduating (one from high school and the other from college), my best friend having her son, lots of weddings, lots of babies, a new puppy at our house, Noah getting Type I,  my first full year without any grandparents, a HUGE JDRF Walk turnout,  Jon Gabriel getting engaged to his love, and MANY trips! However, there were also unrealistic expectations, disappointing exchanges, and the expected bumps in the road.

As I consider the unexpected disappointments, it causes me to think about how I can avoid or change them for the future. Since I cannot control everything that happens in my life, some of those things are completely out of my control. However, it reminds me that there are two things in life that are constant---one is the Lord and the other is change. 

The Lord has used the last few years to really grow and mature me. Although that transition from college to single adulthood has been awkward, it has really given me a chance to grow and to faithfully follow after Christ. He does have to remind me that no time is wasted, and that life is far more about timing than time.  I am thankful that He sees the whole parade, when I can only see one float at a time.

I am excited to see what all will happen in 2014, I am confident that the Lord will do exceedingly and abundantly more than we know. I will be praying for my friends/family who are starting the year with the Daniel fast, and am looking forward to see how the Lord uses it in our lives. 

Happy 2014, may it be the best yet!!

Viva Espana!

A Recap on the many adventures in Espana!

Well, as most of you know, I just got back from a mission trip to Granada, Spain, and since I have had many questions asking us what we did and how it went, I thought a blog would be a perfect answer. Also, we all know how bad my memory is, so this is also for my memory's purpose. I hope you enjoy and will look forward to your comments! Now, let's get this party started!

As Julie Andrews would say, let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start...This story begins before I ever located my passport, signed up for a trip, or even knew where Granada, Spain was. This story starts with a 25 year old, single girl, who happened to have her first summer off in years and didn't know what the Lord wanted to do with this new found free time. At a Singles Retreat, it was confirmed that she needed to go serve on an international mission trip, something she had always wanted to do-but seemingly the timing hadn't ever worked out. If you hadn't figured it out yet, that girl is me.

Let's fast forward to where I find out where I'm going, and it's Granada, which I'm sure your response was similar to mine--what the heck am I going to do in Spain? Isn't Spain in Europe with beautiful Spanish speaking people, beaches, clothes, and gorgeous Cathedrals? Why are we going there? After a few team meetings, things had become a little more clear to me, but I was still not sure what all we would be doing while we were there. What I did know is that we would be working closely with an Evangelical Baptist church, and I had been warned that the Spanish people wouldn't be too excited to see us.

As we know, if you pray for patience, the Lord will allow you to develop and practice this--which is why I usually try to stay away from that word. ha. Our plans were to fly from Houston-Dallas, Dallas-Madrid, and Madrid-Granada--it would be a whirlwind of travels, but it would be as time efficient as possible. I was nervous about my first flight to Europe, but was excited to see what all this trip would entail. Our very first flight was delayed 2 hours due to a flat tire, which just so happen to have us landing in Dallas at the very same time our next plane departed. BUT we talked to our friends in Dallas, who assured us they could hold the plane for us and it wouldn't be a problem to make that connecting flight. However, I'm sure you know where this story is going-that plane didn't wait for anyone...After working with the airlines for over 3 hours in Dallas, we finally had new flights the next day taking us through NYC, then on to Spain. Ok, so one day delay-not the end of the world, however, the icing on the cake may have been that we didn't get our luggage until we got to Spain midday on Saturday (keep in mind we left on a Thursday morning). So, alright, so far-logistics aren't our best friend, but we realize that the Lord has a plan and it's going to be fine, we will just get there a day later than expected.

We finally arrive in Spain, where one of our team members luggage does not show up (she doesn't get it for 6 days), and go to a retreat with the church we would be working with. The landscape where we were was breathtaking. The Sierra Nevada mountain range surrounded us as we drove out to this encampment where we would meet the church leaders that would become our family for the next 10 days. They were fabulous! Greeted with hugs and kisses (the kisses was something I had to adjust to), they were thrilled to see the American Christians (which I was a little bit surprised by). We enjoyed the rest of the weekend with them at their retreat, enjoying sermons, worship and even baptism ( all in Spanish) in the swimming pool-it was fantastic!! Then we head back in to the city to our hotel that would be home for the next week. It was really nice, a great location, clean and tidy, and so far I'm thinking how great this trip is becoming and almost guilty that it's a 'mission' trip. However, the rest of the week would reveal the pain and brokenness of this country.

Now let me give you a little bit of background on Spain. The majority claims they are Catholic, but the Cathedrals are empty. There are many African immigrants who claim they are Muslim, but there is no evidence of the truth in those statements. There is a tiny percentage who are Evangelical Christians, and they are living on the mission field daily. All in all, the country is LOST and needs Jesus to rescue them.

We were in Granada, where there is a large university, which means thousands of college students. We went on campus two different days to pray, walk around, and do our best to immerse ourselves in their environment. As I introduced myself to different groups of kids anxiously studying for finals, I realized that they not only did not know Jesus, but didn't even know OF Jesus. I was informed that they are approximately 1.2 million Evangelical Christians in Spain and of that 800,000 are immigrants. Do the math, that means only 400,000 are native to the country. ONLY 400,000 CHRISTIANS in the entire country. I was beyond shocked. How could a country that looks so pretty and happy on the outside be so broken??

As we did other street evangelism and outreach activities, I was educated on the Spanish culture further. They are a very closed people, only trusting people the have established relationships with. They don't greet you or smile in passing, they don't care about religion, and they definitely aren't going to go out of there way to hear what you have to say. They are currently in a state of economic depression, and even though they may be destitute, they will still be dressed nicely and appear that life is going well. Apparently, this is the same thing they do spiritually as well. I now realized why the church we worked with was so happy to see us. They just needed some encouragement to continue sowing those seeds in their community.

Although I did just say they didn't come off friendly, let me also say that it's vastly different from the way you are treated by 'friends'. The friends we made at the church were affectionate and passionate about getting to know us, spending time with us, and answering our questions. Since I am a very outgoing person, I enjoyed it, but even I was often surprised by the the love that was shown to us.

In Spain, Catholic is King--they use the word Catholic synonymously with the word Spanish. It's about an affiliation to a country not a church. The Cathedrals we visited were breathtaking, some of the most impressive elegant architecture you've ever seen. I couldn't understand why they were treated like a museum and not a house of worship. Well, they are treated the way they are used, and there is little to know worship or even acknowledgement of God. Once again, my heart was sad at their lack of desire to know the One who can deliver them.

I was told by multiple different people and groups that religion, God, Jesus isn't important. They were not ugly or mean, they were not aggressive in their responses, they simply-don't care. If you ask to pray for them, they will gladly accept it, but may follow it by-who are you praying to? They literally don't even know what they are missing. Although America does not actively pursue a life of holiness, most people you talk to are familiar with the idea of God, Jesus, church or some kind of Christian organization--and in Spain that is simply not the case. I had now started to realize why I was here....

I believe God has equipped different people with different sets of talents and skills, and then allows those skills and talents to be used for his glory if we let Him. I had asked the Lord to use me, I wanted to be part of something bigger than myself. If you're reading this, then you know me decently well, and would probably agree that I am a people person. I make friends easily, can get along with a diverse group of people, and I enjoy building new relationships--this is why I was brought to Spain.

The Spanish people are woven together with relationships, it is more important than work, more important than a hobby-their friends and family are the priorities in their life. That being said, you must love them, invest in them, and get to know them before they are likely to be interested in something you care about. I made some friends, this is why I was taken to Spain.

I'm sorry this is so long, but I promise we're at the bottom of the 9th, and there are 2 outs...what I mean is I'm almost done....

As I sit here with phrases like "Cuanto cuesta?", "Que es eso?" and "Vale" running through my mind, my heart breaks for the Spanish people. I am grateful that I was allowed the opportunity to go there, to meet them, to love on them, and to hopefully continue relationships with them. I have realized that as humans, our selfish nature is often drawn to what makes us feel better. Even the 'good' Christians go on the mission trip where they feel they can check the most things off their list and are less likely to go somewhere else. I didn't go somewhere where the people were desperate for physical necessities, I didn't help rescue anyone from human trafficking-both of which are incredible and necessary efforts. I went somewhere where the public seems to have life going perfectly, where they don't want God because they don't think they need Him. My selfishness wasn't satisfied, because the daily rejection was Satan's reminder that he is actively pursuing this country. However, I got to serve next to some incredible people who are the hands and feet of Jesus daily in their community. Doing what they can to create lasting friendships, hoping to shine so brightly they make a difference. I got to encourage them, which in, turn blessed me more than I could have asked for.

I have been so blessed by this experience! I look forward to continuing to bathe these people in prayer, praying for the church leadership, and for the hearts of their community/county to be soften. I hope you will join me in this effort, they are thousands of lost people living there, missing out on the very best thing they could ever experience.

Already missing those Spaniards!!

xo,
b

last days of summer

Well as I look over my planner I realize that this is basically my last week of summer at home. Next week me and my family will go to Colorado, where I plan to have an extremely enjoyable week -engaging in activities far from my normal routine, admiring the majesty of the mountains, and having some good QT with the family. I cant believe that I have almost been a college graduate for a year! WHERE has the time gone?

Answering that question, where has the time gone-isn't it weird when there are times you can look back and its like you did a million and one things, and then there are other times when you can't seem to remember anything significant but you know you remember being busy. Goodness I do not like that word busy, but it seems to follow me everywhere I go. Its the thing that I feel guilty if I'm not but trapped if I am. Rationally I know that is ridiculous, but then again not everything is rational.

Recently I have been challenged to do a few different things that I thought seemed easy and silly, but turned out to be a much harder task than expected. One of the things was to make a timeline of my life, a life line more or less with every memory I could remember and then write them in the area of time they happened in, and where they ranked/effected me. Im thinking oh dear-Ill need a roll of butcher paper for this little task, but I was wrong. When I actually sat down to do this it proved to be much harder than expected. Years when I knew lots of important, exciting, or even devastating things happened I could only remember a few things. I remembered big things like the hurricane evacuation or winning an award-but the everyday things that shape your character sure are hard to remember. When discussing this later with the person who challenged me I suddenly had a gush of memories of things I needed to add-and they laughed and said, you don't remember-- because you were busy. That tiny little phrase 'because you were busy' has caused some mental controversy since this little chat. I enjoyed all those days of constant activity, being involved in every aspect possible, but did I miss something along the way? As I prepare for teaching school in just a month, I wonder, what kind of influence do I want to make or atleast attempt to make on these young forming minds? Opportunity comes with responsibility, am I ready to rise to the occassion?

The other challenge that was extended to me I knew would be harder. As you know, I am a planner and have a tendency to not enjoy the "flexes" of life. I like a plan/chart/schedule and I want it to go the way it has been laid out. When I am forced to change plans I often react in a poor attitude that effects not only me but the others around me as well. Ohh, so back to the challenge-I have to sit in my car for 2 minutes before putting it into gear everytime I drive somewhere for a week. I am not limited to what I can do with those 2 minutes, and its not like they would know if I cheated I suppose, but I can't cheat. As I embark on my 6th day, these 2 minutes now are scheduled in. I know that when I leave my house I have 2 minutes, when I leave wherever I parked I have 2 minutes and so on. TWO MINUTES-what a tiny fraction of time that has created a sense of urgency. How many times do we take something so insignificant and focus on it, causing a false sense of urgency. I realize the point of this challenge is to help me learn to be flexible and realize that tiny bumps in the road are out of my control and to not let it effect me negatively. To learn that people are more important than schedules, and sometimes a sacrifice here will result in a blessing there.

In closing, I am excited, scared and a little confused as to what the next sliver of my schedule will look like. As I have decisions to make, kids to show love to, and every day meaningless tasks to partake in I will work on flexing....well hopefully..haha..if you're like me, you know its something that will take a proactive attitude to change it.

"It occurs to me it is not so much the aim of the devil to lure me in with evil as it is to preoccupy me with the meaningless."-Donald Miller

until next time...

First Day of Summer!

Well happy first day of summer-the longest day of the year!

I haven't blogged recently, and today while I was on the gazelle I was thinking about some things I felt like writing about. Funny thing about a blog is-you dont know if someone is reading it or not--but an audience isn't my priority-just think its fun.

Well week before last I was in NOLA on the Mission Trip with FBCP's youth group. This was my first trip to be the "adult" which was a little bit of a change of pace, because I have grown up in that church and know everyone and vice versa. So when I was asked to drive the van or kids asked me if they could stay up late my primary response was..uhh ask someone who's in charge?! HAH. It was a good trip-definitely one of the first times that I had a concrete example of why I was where I was ---and how God used me. That was a humbling experience. I had a camper in my group who is a Type 1 Diabetic on a pump, very similar to mine. While we were there-guess what-my pump retired, yep you guessed it-just died. So while I was trying to control my inner hysteria, God provided. By the next afternoon I was back in business, with a pump overnighted to me! :) But that 24 hour period that I was pumpless, I had to go back old school--injections-yuck!!...Here's 'AHH HA!' moment. The girl I mentioned previously, the other type 1'r had a minor emergency and had my pump not broken the day before I wouldnt have had the supplies we needed. Her mother would have been flying out ASAP, we'd be making a trip to the hospital, and who knows what all else we would have inquired along the way. Talk about being in the right place at the right time. I have prayed over the past almost 3 years, that God would be able to use my disease as a ministry, and give me understanding to many of the 'whys?' I have encountered along the way. Anyways, it was like God said-you say you're a visual learner, you want to know why?--HERE YOU GO! In that instance I have never been so thankful to be "hooked up", have syringes, remember all the countless articles I have read, and accumulation of knowledge-because I was the instrument. What a blessing to be used!!!

As far as work goes-I had my first teacher workshop last week. The nerd in me loved it-learning teaching techniques, visual examples, hands on manipulatives and all kinds of stuff. Im not saying all day every day was my ideal way to spend a week of summer-but I am saying that it was very interesting, and I am excited to use the new tools I have been taught!!

What else....

The quality of faithfulness has been on my mind lately-from something as tangible as a faithful friend or faithful medical equipment-to recent lessons in Scripture about Ruth and Joseph. In both cases they didn't have the ideal circumstances their whole life, but they were blessed beyond measure for their faithfulness to God. Although I cant imagine being sold by my siblings or having my spouse die and moving to a foreign country-their lives are remarkable to me. How often do we pity ourselves for not having what someone else has? I know I am just as guilty as the next person but-I am reminded that if we will wait-God's blessing is so much better than what we could do on our own. Obviously easier said than done-but gosh those reminders are so convicting and encouraging.

Well for now thats all I can remember that I wanted to write, I know there was more-but I cant remember.

Until next time :)

long time no see

Well, Im back. It's been a while, but nice to see you again :)

Alright lets have a mini-update on whats going on--I have officially accepted a job in Deer Park ISD, teaching junior high math! Before you start to grumble and complain and feel sorry for me-or wonder what in the world I was thinking...let me tell you I would have thought the same thing a year ago. Over the past year with so many changes, the world of teaching has been introduced to me in a different light. I have basically subbed the entire school year, and have loved it. I got my alternative certification and I am totally looking forward to next school year. I know it will be hard and a challenge-but I love a challenge-and I know this is where I need to be which is a delightful feeling.

I am looking forward to still having summers that is for sure! Starting with this one :)

lets see..what else..I still live at home, still love my dog, and still would like to know what youre up to!!

until then :)

Im a year older

Well lets think of everything that has changed since I wrote last time...

I had a birthday, I am 22 now, which is nothing monumental just another day with cupcakes and a bouncy obstacle course-no big-but big fun.

I am still teaching that long-term class I was in last time I wrote, I have been there like 7 or 8 weeks-somewhere around there, somedays are harder than others-but I am most definitely learning and loving it.

The Lord is doing work in me--loving me, stretching me, and teaching me to fly.

Once again, I never cease to be amazed at the timing of the Lord, amazing what happens when you have a little faith. I am being reminded that when we are consistently in the Word, God will provide an encouraging pat on the back, right when we need it.

I also have realized how important my 'girls' are. My 3 best friends that every day I realize how valuable they are-their encouragement, accountability, and unconditional love are something that very few people are blessed with. I am happy to say I am one of them...

I continue to have somewhat of a battle with the idea of balance. Which I think is something I will have a life long struggle with-but I guess as long as I know it exists I can focus on not letting it take over.

For now-that is all-nothing too crazy or exciting-I will try to combat the next blog with something humerous..

until then :)

Thankfulness

Well this year, just like many years before-I have been challenged to think of something I am thankful for everyday during the month of November. I have done it before, been shallow and cliche writing things that I am thankful for, but things that did not take a look into my heart. This year, as I was discussing this with a close friend, she said why don't we do something that is specifically connected with each day. I thought this was a great idea, and would allow me to dissect what is on my heart and on my mind.

Some days there are things that are on my mind all day that clearly is what I am thankful for-and others it seems hard to find something directly related. Those days are usually directly related to selfishness or a bad attitude, which once again again, brings me back to a humble heart.

The last few months have been a work in progress overhaul. I have moved home, am not in school, am not with my "college" friends, adjusted to being home in regards to friends, church and activities-and more so the focus of a job and/or career is like a cloud over my head. When I say cloud, I mean it, because sometimes you are so thankful for the cloud-in the shade or bringing the rain-and other days you desire to be in the sun making the cloud a hindrance to your plans. I, like many other people, do not have a passion for one certain career path. Growing up, I was not the child who wanted to be a doctor their whole life, or had some one talent that so overwhelming shadowed all other things in my life that it was clear what I was supposed to do. I could do many things, but did not have a love for anything specific. As I have gotten older, and even more so just in recent months-I have realized that I enjoy helping people. Not in the "look at me, Im so self sacrificing" way, but in the everyday, kinda boring and seems insignificant way. I like to develop relationships which allow me to subtly influence people.

Probably the weirdest thing is that one thing that has remained constant throughout my whole life is that I did not like school. I liked sports and extracurriculars-but I never liked school. I liked to learn and I like to read, but of course not what is assigned. I have been substitute teaching for about 8 weeks and have fallen in love, but I am not nieve to the world. I know that falling in love, means that you can fall out of love. I know that substituting is nothing like being there everyday with the same kids, dealing with their struggles, and discipline issues, and the mountains of paperwork. I have been praying that a door would be soo wide open or soo closed that there was not a doubt in my mind. I wanted to put out the fleece. And before I could even finish the sentence a door was opened, giving me the opportunity to have somewhat of a trial run of teaching. It is in a class that many people struggle with, and with the least appealing age of students. But, without hesitation, I took the opportunity because it was precisely what I had asked for. After only a week, I still enjoy it, I still look forward to the class day, and I still am questioning whether this could be a job for me.

This is where the struggle manifests itself. How do you define success? If your goal has always been to "be successful", then if you are not successful in your own personal opinion you will have never reached your personal goal. What if what you have pictured your whole life as what you would be "when you grow up" changes-then do you feel like you have disappointed yourself? Do you feel like a failure or a waste? How do you change that preconceived notion of what YOU always thought would happen? Knowing that God IS in control, and that He does have a hope and a future-then you are reminded that His ultimate plan is what is best. But on the other hand we do have free will to do what we want. There are a few things that I dont believe have absolute-one of them is a life career. I think often people are confused on the difference between a calling, a career and a job. A job pays the bills, a career requires lots of time and life investment, and a calling is something that is ultimately decided by the Father. I also believe that people can have many different callings during their lifetime-not like once you decide your "calling" then you are "stuck" there for the rest of your life. I think that often as your life changes, that you calling too can change.

This IS my battle.

I know that as a woman, that my first calling for life is to be a wife and mother, if I am to ever be married and have a family. I also know that there are many careers that do not allow for the flexibility to just quit/leave and come back-so what to do? Do you choose a career where you will be successful by the worlds standards and deal with that bridge if you ever come to it? Do you plan for the future and try to make decisions that will benefit a future family? Or do you become ignorant or selfish and do whatever makes you look the best? I realize that every one is different, and I say these things coming from a personal perspective, not casting judgement on anyone else. I dont want to choose something because I think it is the easy way out, or because I have come complacent in life. I want to choose something because I can make a difference, and ultimately because the Lord has designed me to be the key in the lock of life.

For now, I am still thinking, praying and writing my list of pros and cons-haha.

I hope you have taken a look at your heart and looked at what you have to be thankful for as we approach the one day of the year that the world dedicates to being a little less selfish.

until then....